Assume the Position

Thursday, April 17, 2003
 
Hootie And The Blowfish: Round ??? Don't feel alone if you've forgotten what round it is in the not-so-epic squareoff between "Hootie" Johnson, chairowl of Augusta National Golf Club, and "Blowfish" Burke, chairfish of the National Council of Women's Organizations. Whatever the number, this round definitely went to Hootie. The Blowfish's protest flopped like a trout on a sandbar. Undaunted, in the next round she says she is going to Chuck Fruit (via JunkYardBlog).


Tuesday, April 15, 2003
 
Streets Of Damascus or The Tyrant's Lament. There is supposedly a joke on the electronic Arab street conveying one lesson of the Iraq War, "Young Assad of Syria sent Bush a message telling him that if he wants him to go, he doesn't have to go through that much trouble. He can just send a text message on his cell phone." That was the genesis for this light ballad.

                  Streets of Damascus

As I walked out in the streets of Damascus,
As I walked out in Damascus one day,
I spied Young Assad dressed up in white linen,
Dressed up in white linen and looking quite fey.

"O beat war drums loudly and play the press deftly;
Play at diplomacy as you string me along.
Take my pronouncements as the word of a liar,
For I'm a young tyrant and I know I've done wrong."

"I see by your manner that your are a Yanqi."
These words he did say as I boldly stepped by.
"Come stand here beside me and hear my sad story;
I really screwed up and I think I must cry."

"My friends and relations they think I'm a loser:
They now suspect my reign won't last long.
I first came to rule as the son of my father,
For I'm a young tyrant and I know I've done wrong."

"It was once in the palace I used to go dashing,
It was once in the palace I used to go gay.
I invited Hussein to flee to my country,
Got exposed in the press and I'm worried today."

"We cut many a deal to obtain toxic weapons;
And gave plenty of cash to Islamic Jihad.
Now I am worried the cowboys are comming,
They'll bomb all my palaces because I've been bad."

"Go gather around you the Mid-Eastern rulers,
And tell them the story of this my sad fate.
Tell one and the other before they go further,
Knock off the terror before it's too late."

"Go bring me a pen and a sheet of blank paper
To write down my story," Young Assad said.
Before I returned the spirit had left him,
He'd slunk to his palace--to cower in dread.

We'll beat war drums loudly and play the press deftly;
Play at diplomacy and string them along.
Take their pronouncements as the words of a liar,
For they are all tyrants and know they've done wrong.

-- Lynxx Pherrett
[With thanks to Francis Henry Maynard for the "Streets of Laredo."]



Original content copyright © 2002-2005 Lynxx Pherrett. All rights reserved.